Concentration has gone…

Concentration has gone, fumbling the norm.
Late nights through to early morn, not drugs, not drink, not what you think, just the time and the pain and the essence of dawn is filling the moments between the work and the life.

Keeping the straight laced expression of joy while wildness whistles through this ‘boy’.
Spurts and spouts of excessive delight then being told that my feelings aren’t…right.

Wondering what to do next, scared to stop to answer a text, worried that this might not work well but if I don’t try to change it I’m living in hell.

“Never accept the things you don’t like.”

A quote I made up to help me deal with this life.

“Make life easier for the next person.”

A quote I made up to help me deal with this life.

“There but for the luck of life go I.”

A quote I twisted to help me deal with this life.

Again the thoughts drift, cruise, flutter, land and sink deeper into the cauldron of self-destruction.

Again I breathe.  Suck…blow…suck…hold…blow…suck…hold…blow…

This isn’t what I should be doing but it is.

National Poetry Day Rant

I don’t get it, never have, never will.
Dog in the street day. Don’t get it. Yet, still
It comes around every year, a day like all the rest
except on this day it feels like a test…
Create something new (but with meaning)
Let people know which way you’re leaning
The left are loonies, the right are scum
No, no, the right are loonies, the left are scum
The middle just tum-tiddly-um-tum
I wasted time creating that but it’s okay
because it’s touch yourself gently day
or some such thing that allows you to pleasure
yourself doing something you treasure
releasing pain and hate and bile
sharing love, warmth, a knowing smile
allowing others inside your head
showing them where you lie, your filthy bed
you made yourself with guilt and shame
dirtied with no one else to blame
taking time out to rant and rave about injustice
absolutely refusing to say It. Just. Is.
screaming at the tele
from deep in the belly
“HOW CAN THEY TREAT US SO?”
“DOES SHE THINK THIS IS A DISCO?”
“THEY ARE DRAINING THE POOL.”
“I AM NOT YOUR F IN FOOL.”
It’s okay I know the truth, no one needs further proof.
There is nothing left to deny, there is no need to cry.
The rich are taking all they can from all the people of this land.
Killing the poor and not getting caught because they do it by…default.
A cut here, a boundary there and all that death is out of their hair.
The workers are next by cheek and jowl, by means nefarious and foul.
Taxes first, then higher prices for smaller, smaller then slimmer slices
of a pie they don’t even own. Don’t protest please don’t moan.
Okay if you must but we need to secure your trust
tell us where and when you want to and we’ll treat you like the cunt who
we most despise; (intelligent workers are not dependable) fuck the wise
dumb them down, destroy their mind and one day you’ll find
that I’m alright jack is the norm for anyone in England born
Even though they’ve got no fresh food, no clean water to cleanse their brood
just the junk the Americans gorge on and around their ghetto a Palestinian cordon.
They’re building the wall inside our brain with each click on the media train.
Sorry I drift, I meander, sometimes I stray
but it’s alright, it’s #NationalPoetryDay